all images and stories are the property of Catherine Beerda-Basso and are not to be used without given permission...thank you

Sunday, 28 June 2015

For all that is Sacred...

As I slowly return to myself
I am finding my space to write...

There are those thing that are so sacred that the words of our human language are like a faint whisper 
barely caressing the truth of such experiences
as the one I just lived.

And there are moments 
that must be left to only those who bore witness
because words could never
and would never be able to explain
or give understanding to
what is was that transpired... 

That is how I feel about attending Vision Quest Camp....

I had been asked by a sister-friend to be 
one of her supporters.
She asked me to hold space for her in the East.
This meant that daily I said prayers for her
as I lay down sacred tobacco onto Mother Earth.
I called in the new day for her,
honouring and giving gratitude
 for the new beginning that is allowed each us
in the East.
I prayed for Clarity, Illumination and Wisdom.
I prayed for the winds of change
the breath of life
the subtly of the whisper...
I did this for many many months
and it was an honour...

And as it was 
two other sisters of our SouLodge tribe 
went up the mountain as well...
this made the coming together
just that much more meaningful.

Along with our 3 SouLodge sisters
there were 4 other women
bringing with them a caliber of supporters
that brought the camp to a place of family.
Upon arriving the first day we were strangers...
We then sent our loved ones up the mountain
with prayers and honouring
and we became community.
Then after the first night
of our loved ones
on the mountain
and with raw emotions running high
we became family.

My week spent in this exceptional place
for this extraordinary event was filled with so much sacred.
When one is in continual ceremony for 5 days
encounters run deep and meaningful
small talk is non-existant
and honesty is worn like casual clothing.

I witnessed my own sons rite of passage
as he found his own tribe mates
and with that new connection
offered an elder tobacco so the kids could expereince
a sweat lodge, just for them.
I watched from afar as he tended fire
and handled the stones
for the sacred ceremony...
I noticed how after the first night
her would not sit with me again in the TeePee.
But sat comfortable on his own 
in the circle
listening to the wisdom that was shared with all.
I watched him laugh and burst with joy
in a place that on the first day
he told me he did not belong...

I spent time tearfilled prayer
under a juniper tree
with my feet on sacred ground...
so moved I was with gratitude 
for being where I was
living this life
and living it awake.

There was special moments
and words shared with brothers
and sisters
Some new
some like old friends of a past
long before this life began.

But like I said earlier
some of these things
are too sacred to put to words
and those who I stood with
know what it is I say
not in way of exclusion
but by way of honouring
the deep magic that was shared.

I will say this
we, as a people, are good.
When we come together
because of Love...
even while, maybe not fully understanding,
but showing up anyways,
great things happen.
I witnessed many different peoples
coming together from many different walks
and uniting under a banner of 
Love and Honouring
 for someone dear.
And together we held each other;
Supported each other
Listened to each other
Stood by each other
Ate together
Prayed together
Sweated together
Burned together
all for Love.
We all felt it.
We all knew it.
And we all wondered how we could bring it back with us
how to bring this kind of magic
back into a world
where we are told magic is not real...
Well I believe Love to be magic
and living from that place
expands out an energy from each of us
an energy that causes change
Maybe we will never see the influence 
of our Love on another...
but I ask that that point?
What is we expand this energy out as a way of life
not for results
but because it is a life style we choose.

My sisters spent their 4 days on the mountain...
without food or water
encountering deeply The Great Mystery
feeling Mother Earth as she held them
and looking up to Father Sky as he watched over them...
Each of them coming back with Spirit Eyes,
forever changed...
as I know is was for many of us in camp
forever changed
by this sacred experience we shared.
Today is my dads birthday
he would have been 86
16 years ago cancer claimed him
after 4 different encounters.
This day remindes me of the power we have
on affecting other lives by our actions...
by our expanding or withholding of Love...
Our story was not one that had a happy ending
my dad died angry with me
and I was angry with him...
there was no resolution
no beautiful final words
and it is that which I grieve
the loss of redemption
the loss of truth and honesty
the loss of cracked hearts
and broken tears
the loss of a chance to expand
and make a difference...

Never underestimate the affect you have on another
If your heart has the desire to say something
say it
Look that person deep in the eye 
open your heart
dare to connect
we are all scared...and we are all sacred
so do it anyways
the moment is all we have
and it matters
as it is
with all that is sacred...

Love and Light

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

I Love the way You Lie....

On the first page of our story
The future seemed so bright
Then these things turned out so evil
I don't know why I'm still surprised
Even angels have their wicked schemes
And you take that to new extremes
But you'll always be my hero
Even though you've lost your mind
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Now there's gravel in our voices
Glasses shattered from the fight
In this tug of war you always win
Even when I'm right
Cause you feed me fables from your hand
With violent words and empty threats
And it's sick that all these battles
Are what keeps me satisfied
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
So maybe I'm a masochist
I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
Till the walls are going up
In smoke with all our memories
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
~Skylar Grey 

This song has been my anthem for the last few days...

Skylar's words reflect the amazing and often painful transformations that have been happening within my being these last 6 months. 

The gravely voices are the old stories, 
the ones that are dying and trying to hold on for dear life...

 Many have already died and been laid to rest in peace.
At our last ReWilding Retreat
I let die two aspects of myself...
the part of myself that felt UnValued
and the words "I am alone".

Each of these held different aspects of myself...
Feeling alone has been a thread
that has woven in and out through my life;
and as I saw myself laying on the earth
I was shown many different versions of myself
at different stages of my life.
 I laid babies-breath around the entirety of my body
I knelt beside her, and whispered in her ear 
"It is time for the part of my self,
 that believes she is alone, 
to die.
I love you."

I watched as my lifeless body slowly sank into the earth
as I sat beside her grieving....
on her tomb stone I wrote
"Here rests the part of me
that believed she was alone." 

Then came the time to bury the aspect of myself
that felt UnValued
I see myself at 15
it is the age I gave up
when I stopped trying and shoved down my caring
when drugs and alcohol began to ease the pain.
I knelt down and lay red roses around her...
my tears covering her face.
I told her the suffering was done...
I told her that she made it to the other side
that she was just fine as her self
with nothing to prove to anyone...
Soon she sunk too into the earth 
to turn into decay and nourishment for the earth.
On her tomb stone I wrote
 "Here lies the part of me that felt un-valued...
may she rest in peace."
 When I looked up I saw Raven sitting upon the tombstone
I was surprised to see him there...
and I asked him what he was doing there...
for here where we were, 
there were no shiny objects of value for him to gather...
He said to me,
"You are the shiny thing of value that I seek."

I also wanted my Self Doubt to die...
it was not quite ready to go.
I even pulled the plug on the life support machine
it was hanging old man
old and decrepit.
He did not die.
So instead I wrapped him up in a blanket
and carried him to to ocean
a special place in which one day I hope to take my last breath
Sitting on the sandy beach
overlooking the ocean I cradled him close
Holding and loving him until we became ready to 
let go

in this place
Bear came to sit and wait along side me...

It happened during the Soul Quest workshop.
White Buffalo came to me and said it was time...
Self Doubt took it's last breath in my arms
my tears streaming down my face...
A dolphin came to the oceans edge
to carry the dying aspect of me out to sea
to his final resting place...
 and all the while 
these deaths burn me from the inside out...
for they are only the beginning of the transformation.

 Since coming home from our big family trip
I have been called to sit in the fire...
huge transformations with in
so deep my cellular structure has been changed...

We all have choices in these situations, 
we can follow the call, we can cut and run
or simply 
walk away

It has been my choice to sit within this fire
 and allow its hot flame to refine me, 
burning away all that is no longer serves me
even those things that once served, need to go
And those damn voices are actually keeping me there, 
I really do love the way they lie 
because it is with in their lies I find the courage to stay, 
knowing that within the discomfort of my choice 
I am transforming into my own freedom...
I used to loose the tug-o-war with these voices...
that was a long time ago...
I'd rather burn, because I do like the way it hurts...

I am thinking
it is time to release the story of those 3 weeks away
with my family on the other side of the world.
Time to tell the story of me
not going into that adventure
with the view of it being a spiritual quest
and yet having every moment be just that...

it is time...
and yes
it begins with death

Love and Light 

Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Birthing a new offering under the Full Moon...

 Wild Woman Photo Sessions
 a dream is birthed...

Are you ready to expose your wild?
And if so...
What would that look like for you?

Love and Light my Lovelies